Take this key not of brass or silver.  Unsteady and anxious braced for you to shove it deep into my chest unlocking that rush of life and love that has been entombed inside. Drink from this hidden pool, I hear it heals while bleeding dry from the other side. Don’t fret once you have gained your strength and waded from the muddled banks I shall retreat once again. Held back from the rest of the users and abusers patiently waiting for your thirst.

Last drop falls to the floor
The essence of a sad life
Hanging rusted from the door
The beginning of another strife

Daring of you to enquire
Already bruised from prode and poke
But what does she inspire
A belted throat to choke

Found curious without a cause
Pressed against the dark
Another slave to your gag clause
A beautiful body found in the park

Said I would like to get to know you better, 
Knowing your silly antics only makes me wetter
Asked would I ever write one for you,
Its about that time so surprise boo

Excuses started rolling off your tongue
Guess you had me confused for sprung
Really didn’t take long to catch on
So thank my other nigga, enchiladas are gone

You really went from dymn can I get a peek
To damnnn my bad I fell asleep
Nah you can keep the whole lot of thats
Nike hood shit is for the rats

Not the bishops wife, too Julie to notice
I wasn’t the one and won’t come closest
Chick might come off a little foul
Lets see how I can get that smile

Ill stay focused on engineering club
Unlike your Tuesday special Half sub
She and I will never be the same
To busy and clever for another lame

I don’t give a fuck about another hoe
you got a story that’s cool bro I gotta go
Ariana grinding say thank you next
Just playing bae you know what complex

Kim can go kick it with eminems
He’s about to find out what bdsm is
Crawl over here and feed me gushers
And cheers to the funny motherfuckers .

Left hot to the touch
Following that bricked path to get happy
That’s what you always dreamt of
To find a burning love tucked away
Yet perched on a high and mighty
Building up to a kingdom of Bathory
Takes more to break down that wall
A rising anticipation again
Held back waiting for the melt
Then getting lost in cloud after cloud
Never counting, you just leapt over
Unaware of how long the fall
Only expecting my open arms to be there
Forget the cracking sounds of porcelain
Shattering truths finally opened the door
Please, please walk out.

“Wash your sins away in the tide
It’s all so peaceful on the other side” -Judy Garland

An actual beginning.

Um…

I’m thinking about starting a section for my portfolio… Need to turn one in for class and been procrastinating pretty bad on the whole course. I have a few papers I can add to it but I can’t seem to muster up the gumph to upload anything. Where does this self doubt come from? Got all the confidence in the world as I click submit 5-10 mins before the deadline. No proof read, no feedback, no second guessing if my terrible spelling is going to knock off too many points. Just clicky click please god don’t be a dick!

Yet here we are, going through my files is like watching Little Shop of Horrors then going to the dentist. ( If your not familiar with cult films, see media. Thank me later!) I’ve got the worst case senecio running through my head, now to subjugate myself to public ridicule. Let strangers pick apart my work? Why am I being so negative? I consider myself a decent writer with the minimal formal experience I’ve acquired through random desk jobs and that 2004 english comp course. This blog is supposed to be my ease into the waters, so fuck it I am cleaning out my note pads. I guarantee nothing except a flood of unpolished, outdated, and probably a bit too personal, some might even say “Desultory Thoughts”. Yes, I just did that thing. You may take your shot of flavored vodka now. As for me, I’m going to get started on finding some interesting shit to share with ya’ll and hope it doesnt get too out of control.

A parents worst nightmare to clean, its after 4 am and I hear shouting from the other room. My sis is trying to get my attention from the bathroom door without doing much else to stop what is going on. I drag myself out of bed and down the hall to see that she is already sitting back at the dinning table. What the hell could possibly be so bad that she’s screaming for me to wake up but not bad enough for her to put down the doughnut? Ash, my lovely son just shy of 3 years is standing at the bathroom sink washing his hands, but that isn’t the problem. No, No, No, the problem is the glob of shit that must have rolled out of his pull-up while he was using the potty. It landed on the stepping stool which Ash then stepped into while getting off the potty. He proceeded to track footprints across the bathroom floor onto the sink step stool where he was frozen in fear. Uuuuggghhh……. Once again! Yes! Again! Ash had managed to smear poop all over himself and the room he was in. Thank the heavens above he was in the bathroom this time and not on the bed set that I literally 4 hours prior had replaced. Is there anyone out there that has had a messy potty training? How do you get shit streaks out of pink velvet???? To spare you I won’t upload any pics of previous damages, HA!

It must be nights edge that gives me this sharpened pain. Counting down the minutes until rays shine through the curtains that have served as my protectant from the dark eerie that lurks. Until now the thoughts have stayed at bay uncertain if my psyche is capable of being penetrated. How would I go about if these silent terrors became the slightest bit audible? I reach for the closest tangible figure which seems to grace the tips of my fingers. Just for a moment the object of affection gave a sense that I could actually do something. Anything real. Focus wonders from the object to my hand itself. Long and narrow with a weakened grasp it lets me down. Never imagined sliding away into my only desire would take this much effort. Hearing the echo of the empty bottle hit the floor I am reassured. Warmth within a few blinks taunts me. Each one drawn out. Breath heavy too heavy. A lazy smirk followed by a sigh of relief.

This sucks because I’ve know this person for over 10 years and I’ve been well aware of the “true person” he is when no one is looking. However, there have been very few times when he has let me down in such a way. The worst part being that I knew he was lying AND it’s caught on camera. A camera that he damn well know was recording him, to which he decided he was going to unplug the camera and lights to mask his devious acts. He casually walked over to the corner of the room where the clear-as-day white fist sized cam was monitoring everything and preceded to reach behind my tv and attempt to unplug it. Based off the way I found the plug, I’d say he was attempting to make it look like an accident, like maybe it got pulled halfway out while he was looking for something…. **rolls eyes** … it didn’t work. The cam never broke footage and continued to capture him quietly closing the bedroom door and climbing on top of my vanity stool to reach my “stash”. He helps himself to something I was literally offering him not even 10 minutes before. Why? did he think that since I had just offered that he had the green light. Then why unplug the cam? Why sabotage the lights? BTW the damn camera has night vision! Duh! This wasn’t the way I planned to jump start my blog thing but I have so many questions. Had he just reached up and grabbed the box and went on about his business I honestly would not have thought twice about it. The manor of how he tried to cover what he was doing is the problem. Am I wrong for feeling some type of way?

P.S. I didn’t want to include the original video that I was going to tag to this post because I changed my mind on incriminating the friend discussed. Im not completely heartless. …

Amazingly it took 5 mins to launch the framework for this project I’ve had swimming around in my brain for years. So many hours I spent laying in the dark going over names, titles, jokes, and content ideas, only to concede to doubt. I finally told myself “If you don’t do it now, it will never get done.” …. then… BOOM! It was like a river of creative lava burst from the top of my head and I haven’t stopped writing, singing, coding and researching every platform available! Last night… or rather more like early as hell this morning my sister and I were laughing our butts off while editing content. I can’t wait to finally have an audience to share feedback with.

This is an experimental blog to use as a learning and self growth tool. Please be patient and respectful, I Do Not Know What I am doing!